Ode to Ah-Ma

Grams, me, bro, niece, bro, sis-law, sis. 

I am grateful for my grandmother. Her name sounds awfully similar to my full Chinese-English name. She is oldest person in my immediate-extended family as of now, and so she is the most crucial link to that, my family! She has lived in both China and the States. She used to give me a good scolding and sometimes tells me that I'm beautiful. She lights up my day whenever I get to see her at home on the weekends.

I'm sure all my fellow peace corps volunteers are feeling some mixture of emotions as we roll into our first US holiday away from home. For me, I feel a solemn sense of longing, and appreciation. My family will all be headed to my grandma/aunty/uncle's house in a few hours and I wish I could walk in there to eat, take pictures, gossip and do nothing with them.

A few of my training friends just before we went to swear in a couple of weeks ago...
I should do a separate post for this later. 

This week was oddly rough for me. It's my second week as a sworn-in pc volunteer; my fourteen week here. There have been a few moments at work where I just wasn't sure what was going on... "what are we waiting for? what the heck are they saying? why does it have to be like this? why didn't he come to the meeting when he said he would? what is the point of this meeting? where are we going? what is going on?" Three months later I am still trying to adjust to the culture, the work style, and the constant state of confusion I am in. I don't want this to sound too negative, 'cause I actually enjoy my office and the people I am working with, but it's more than just a new office being a volunteer. It's a constant awareness that I have to be in about how to properly fit in and what is going on in my environment, and really who I should be at that moment.

My new desk at work! I moved it closer to the window =)
I know it's blurry, but here's me and my sup's grand-niece

It's tiring sometimes. Ready for more venting?

My laptop is crapping out, hence, sorting and loading pictures is challenging. I'm typing this up on my host family's computer (I am so grateful that they have a computer and internet at the house!). I miss my friends, in the states and from my training cluster. I wish I wasn't hot all the time. And, I worry about my grandma. // end vent.

It's healthy to balance the wonderful, amazing and life changing experience I am in with some good old complaining. It's not all easy here, even if the Philippines has most modern luxuries. The core challenges of being away from family, friends and one's own culture is difficult. With that...

Jenna, Mark, me, Mo, Chris
One of the many pictures of celebration. 

I'm grateful that so far I really like my permanent site placement. With all my concerns I have been able to turn to my supervisor and co-workers to share and express my thoughts, and they have in turn help me be patient with the system that we are all working within, and patient with myself. I'm grateful that tomorrow I get to travel to the northern island of Samar to celebrate with my cluster-mates and other amazing volunteers from last year. I'm grateful that I'm healthy and can exercise every morning (yay for jogging + yoga). I'm grateful for the volunteers here who have given me special moments of intimacy in conversation, dance, and drinking celebrations - those moments keep it in perspective. I'm grateful for my grandmother, and family.

IDK why it loaded sideways.
Me and the best bike ever given to me! Thanks PC!

In other more daily news: this week I got a brand new bike and rode to and from work. Some of my favorite moments of living in China was riding my bike home through my neighborhood, and it's the same feeling here. Well initially there is still a lot of fear and angst and hoping that I don't get swiped by a jeepney (the local bus system, essentially). I love having a bike, saves me some pesos and I get to exercise. Negatives: fear of theft. I can't leave it anywhere. Everyone says to not even trust it locked up 'cause I might come back to an empty frame =/

 I had one of my first barangay (neighborhood) meetings to plan a volunteer day next weekend. It's my first project as a volunteer. I'm excited and I hope it kicks off with any inkling of success. Thanksgiving trip this weekend north and then it's time for Christmas. I hear not much work happens during the holidays. There will be many parties and different end of the year forums, and conventions - all opportunities to get to now my fellow pinoys and pinays.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Fluorescent lighting covers everything. I walked home through the small allies avoiding the puddles as the rain softly came down with the fluorescent light from the street posts. I had my shrink wrapped yoga mat from the mall and repaired umbrella tucked into my hands. Tonight was the first time I came home on my own to my new neighborhood, and maybe my permanent hood for the next two years. Today marks my first full week as a volunteer and at my permanent site. It was one of those moments that are so generic, yet so special to me for it's solitude and marking in this experience.

I worked almost everyday this week, mostly with my supervisor Lili making courtesy calls and inviting local ngo's and barangay captains, and youth leaders from community to help us plan a river cleaning event for international volunteer day.

[This was cut short as my computer monitor stopped working. I will publish as is.]

Week 13 No pictures; Lots of Transition

It has been almost three full weeks since my last update. Since then it has been amazing. Needless to say busy, hence no pictures and a quick 20 minutes ranting entry. Right now I'm sitting in my new house with my new host parents in my new city, and a new Peace Corps Philippines Youth Volunteer. Yes, I swore in as an official volunteer last Friday. I was so happy and so proud. (I also hadn't ever sworn in for anything before, that was weird). 


The end of training ended at exponential speed and busy-ness. I passed my language exam (thank you, Edward, my awesome trainer!) and master of ceremony'd my Handog which is a banquet of gratitude in this case for the host families who housed us. In my case I love and adore my first host family so much. They could not have been better to me. In between all that I packed up my room, and was flown out to Antipolo (Manila, essentially) for Counterpart's conference. This week was filled with long, boring, useful and fun seminars (sometimes all adjectives at once). It was the last week that all trainees were together, and the last week my own cluster mates would be together before leaving for our respective sites. It was nostalgic, but we really enjoyed each other's company too. 


I flew back to Tacloban City on Sunday, moved in, and had my first day of work on Monday, my first day off yesterday (lots of holidays in the Philippines). And, had a really long work day today, but I'm so excited. 


In my two days working with my supervisor and counterpart we have a plan to host a clean up in a local neighborhood in a couple of week. My first project, and who knows if it will be successful. I feel so naive, fresh, bright eye-ed, excited that I want to take myself out of myself and take a snap shot and hold onto this feeling for the times that I will fail and projects fall apart during my service here. 


There are so many things that can happen along the way in development work, no matter how big or small a project. This is relatively a small project. I want to host a one-day trash clean up of a river to promote volunteerism. It's in tandem with the environmental department of my city to kick off their "Save the River" campaign... Well, I am optimistic, just nervous, but that's fair - right? 


Well, my day was filled with meetings (courtesy calls as they're referred here), waiting, and of course, food ^.^ This is my dinner break before I join my supervisor to meet some of the night time working local street children in the city, and I'm still stoked. 


There will be rough times ahead, when things don't work out. For now, I want to savor in the optimism and excitement as motivation to push me through those moments. 


"Are you bored with life? Then throw yourself into some work you believe in with all your heart, live for it, die for it, and you will find happiness that you had thought could never be yours." - Dale Carnegie 


"If you really want something done, just do it. Do it hard, do it well. Don’t pussyfoot. Don’t pander. And don’t say bad words in public." - Philippines President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo

(Don't worry I still prefer uploading pictures; I think I'm more articulate with them.)

RIP Pig, Chicken, and Souls

Evan, Mark Jenna, Celia, Kelly, Lou, Lauren, Chris, Kevin, 
Me, Heather, and Sarah, 
Trainees in our Halloween costumes

Happy Halloween! Today is a national holiday All Saints Day here in the Philippines where family members go to cemeteries to pay respect to ancestors, clean tombstones, and pray that their souls are resting in peace. My family does this on the Chinese 'all saints day'.

As usual, my tenth week in country was exciting, busy and culture filled. I had my usual four hours of language class each day last week, and my afternoons were filled with planning for a community project for the local development compound. There was also swimming in the rain, my first mcdonalds meal in a year, a going away party at Mark's house, a fiesta, karaoke, and the barangay captain's 50th birthday party.

Trainees with the Captain for his golden birthday.

Our two day Youth Camp last Saturday

Now, this week is the last week of training, and next week all trainees and trainers will be flying back to Manila for our last conference of pre-service training (PST - have I mentioned that PC loves abbreviations? OMG). I'll be busy with closing up shop here at our training site. Wednesday, I'm packing up my stuff to move to my new host family that is 20 minutes away in Tacloban City. Saturday, is our big thank you party for all the host families who have taken care of us trainees. Somewhere in between I want to check out the rock climbing gym in my city (Yes, I almost pee'd my pants when I heard there was a climbing gym). Then, Sunday we fly out to Manila. Busy, Busy.

Community Project of life skills & self expression.
Here they're making masks to share about themselves.

Mark with the manas at his going away party yesterday.

"more words, more mistakes"

I also need to study to pass my language test on Thursday (!) and it's quite overwhelming to learn a language in full force over 10 weeks. Learning Waray-Waray (no, I am not learning Tagalog) is challenging. I believe that a language really does reflect a culture and some of its values.

Chris, Mark, Jenna. 
A typical break from class on the porch.

As my host sister, Yen, said last night as we were studying at the dinning table "more words, more mistakes". This was in reply to my sentence that was too long and complicated; when there was a very simple short way to express the same sentence. Meaning: keep it simple and short (KISS). This reflects Filipino culture so well 'cause often most people communicate through body language and facial expressions. If someone raises their eyebrows at you that means 'yes', 'hello', 'i got it', and so on. Although, each day I find polarity in this culture. Usually there are often few words spoken, but people are also fond of chicka-chicka (information, that can quickly become gossip), so behind closed doors there are often many words passed around. What are some polarities in American culture? 

RIP Baboy 

Baboy means pig. Saturday night we had a Halloween party and my friend Kelly decided to make lechon! Lechon is a fully roasted big and Kelly gave us all the cultural experience of buying, killing, skinning, gutting, and roasting the pig on a bamboo stick. (Uncle Tony, please forgive!)

I couldn't bring myself to help in the making of the lechon, but I volunteered to be 'event photographer'. It was bloody and grueling. There were parts I wanted to look away, and there were moments was I fascinated at the anatomy of the animal. Most of the time I tried to keep the camera up and shooting. Here are some of the less detailed pictures. I have many more if you're curious to see.

As the pig's squeals began neighbors from the barangay 
filled the small yard we were all standing in, despite the rain.

I asked if he said a prayer before he began. He did. 

It was the first time for some of the Filipinos to see the process themselves, young and old. 

I eat meat, and I have respect for those who choose to be vegan/vegetarian. I also have respect for people who can butcher their own meat, and especially if they raise a sustainable farm. There is something to be said for full circle gratitude and connection between life and death (yes, obviously debatable). Besides, it was definitely a cultural experience to see how the locals make their favorite dish for all big parties. Any wedding, death anniversary, fiestas, can be found with a fully roasted pig, lechon.


Cocks Out - Bulang!

This week in language class we read a few 'culture notes' on cock fighting. I mentioned this over dinner to my host tatay, and it was on the schedule for Sunday afternoon. Similar to making lechon, it's a complex practice and process of animals' roles in culture. My host dad, host sister and I piled into a motorized tricycle and headed to the next town over as the rain softly came down through the side opening of the seats. We pulled into the muddy lot and saw the small arena.

Tickets to get into the cock pit.

I instantly felt out of place since the only other women there were selling entry tickets at the window, and tending to their produce for sale outside the fences. There was a pit adjacent to the arena where, I assume, men were warming up their competing cocks or investigating potential winning cocks. Men were also milling around, taking shelter from the rain, and smoking in the area.

The Cock Pit. 

We walked in just as two cocks were ending their battle, and found three vacant plastic seats nailed to the cement ground. The noise in the pit moved through waves of silence and shouting as rounds of cocks were thrown in to peck to their death. There was something eerily parallel between the men screaming their bets to the many bookies and the cocks fluttering and fighting for the territory that they were thrown into.

The Kristo or bookies are impressive. Through the dozens of rounds of cock fights bets are flying through the air through screaming and hand gestures, and they remember every single winning/loosing bet without ever writing anything down. To quote my culture notes "because he hardly makes a mistake, people trust him, even if he may have no formal education".

Kristos shouting "this side! this side!" to get bets in. 

It's not just gambling - it's a sport. Men put time and energy into raising their cocks. There is also a referee or 'sentenciador' to ensure there is a winning and loosing cock, since there are bets on the line draws are not acceptable.

The sentenciador watching to declare the winner.

The Tigbulang are the men who own and bet their cocks into the fights. Each round was preceded by a ritual where the cocks were taunted at one another, and each side had its competing cock and a second cock that was used to entice and anger the fighting one through aggravating pecks and tosses.

A Tigbulang with his rooster. 
They really care for them and tame them.

I doubt I'll be raising or betting on any more cocks soon (I made one small bet, and lost). Overall a worthwhile cultural experience. One of the most liberating concepts of the cock pit is that anyone can go, and just about anyone from any social strata does goes. To quote my notes again "it breathes the air of equality". In a country where the discrepancy of haves and have-nots is apparent each day, it's refreshing to go somewhere where anyone with some cash in their pockets can go for hope, entertainment, yelling, and an equal chance to loose their lunch money.

This is the rooster that I loathe. He lives outside my window. 

He likes to sing to me at all hours of the night. 

Every beginning has its ending...


Being the last week of training I've been doing some reflecting on how I feel to be here with just two weeks left before I swear in as a real volunteer. I'm really excited and happy. However, the longer I'm here the more distant home in California seems. This makes me sad. I've had moments looking through photos of family and I keep hearing about all the new babies on the way. I'm worried that friends and family at home will stop caring, and I know it's irrational 'cause good friends are always there for you, and family, well, you all have to love me =).

One interesting factor is that, I've been somewhat of a nomad for the last two years after graduation. So, for most of my close friends and family me being gone is familiar, but for me it'll be the longest I've been away! Yet, still the longest stretch of time I've been in one place without traveling. Another curious dichotomy.

Each day that goes by, I'm building deeper relationships with the people around me. I'm excited about my work and the experiences I keep having. I just hope I'm still excited when the novelty wears off. I hope I can remember why I wanted to come to this place when things get difficult. Either way, it's starting to feel real: I'm living here for two years, learning about Filipino culture, sharing Chinese-American culture, and hopefully, I can help improve the lives of some of the children and youth. Word.

Yen, my host sis and master mind behind my costume

"Ms. Philippines, Major Major Mistake"

It's my first Christmas away from home. Mail me a card to remind me of home.  It'll take weeks to get here. Thanks for following my blog! Offer suggestions!