It was unexpected. This will sound unreal. It feels surreal, and I'm likely still in shock. I have to resign from my peace corps service. After today I will no longer be a pc volunteer. Does that sound as dramatic as it has felt?

I'm terrified thinking of all the questions I will have to answer to everyone of my family, friends, acquaintances, and all the people I have yet to meet who will likely ask something to the degree of "WHY?". Well, it's was not my decision. I am signing off as an "Early Termination, Interrupted Service". This simply translates to I finished with service, before the expected date for reasons beyond my control. I can reapply. I am leaving on good terms, and I'm still considered a returned peace corps volunteer.

I'm tired, and sad. I was in tears all day yesterday meeting with staff after staff, but it's a done deal. There is nothing anyone can do to change the situation. I feel a deep enviousness for all my co-volunteers and every volunteer who has or will have completed their two year service. I feel sorrow for this personal loss, and for all the experiences I would have had with friends. I can't help but think of the judgement that will come from others, and the sadness that my close friends and fellow volunteers will feel. Simple to say, there's a lot of low energy in my life right now, and wondering how did this happen?

I'm trying to tell myself that it just wasn't meant to be right now. It has been really stressful and challenging to be here as a volunteer. And, it just has not worked out. I'm trying to tell myself 'things happen for a reason' and that I just gotta take what life hands me right now. With all the things that went wrong with my first site and supervisor, maybe it really was just is not the right time.

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March 31, 2011 8:11AM

I've had about a week to get my thoughts together. Now, my plan is to travel and return home, then I will be working in China again this summer. Post summer, I'll travel more or make plans for a new job or adventure. Family and friends, see you at the end of May =)